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A kale recipe (that won't make you want to kale* yourself)

January 25, 2018

I know what you're thinking. Ew, kale. The dark, leafy green vegetable superfood that tastes about as healthy as it is - and by "healthy" I mean a grassy, dry, and rubbery experience. With just one attempt, many give up... But not you. You are the juicer, or more likely, the blender - pouring in sweet maskers like chocolate and peanut butter to disguise the horrid experience.

Sip your kale no more! I assure you, it does not have to be that way.

Here's an easy-peasy recipe involving just a few simple ingredients. It's been intentionally formulated to give you 10g of protein per serving, while making your taste buds rejoice... and oh yes, it's entirely powered by plants. You're welcome.


About this recipe.

Kale, Extra Virgin Olive Oil, Nutritional Yeast, Lemon Juice, Apple Cider Vinegar, Salt, Pepper

Time: 10 minutes

Cost per serving: $1.52

Shelf-life (this is good for): 1 week; store in sealed container with minimal air exposure

Yes, this recipe is:
- Gluten-free
- Vegan
- Free from the USA's Top 8 food allergens

Note: Values calculated are compliant with the [updated] Nutrition Facts Label Final Rule (effective January 1, 2020).  Please ignore the % DV for Protein, as this has not been calculated in consideration of its actual PDCAAS score.

Tell me how to make it already.

[For Beginners...]

This is an ideal item to make the beginning of each new week. Lemon juice and apple cider vinegar assist with flavor as well as pH reduction, giving this item approximately a 1-week shelf life. Due to kale's durable texture, this recipe gets better with time as it marinates with a blend of oil and spices.

The recipe is a small batch of about 5 servings, each serving size being about 2 Cups (121g).

Makes 5 servings (605 grams)

Kale: 10 Cups (425g)
Extra virgin olive oil: 5 Tbsp (75g)
Nutritional yeast: 3/4 Cup (60g)
Lemon juice: 1 Tbsp + 1 Tsp (20g)
Apple cider vinegar: 1 Tbsp (15g)

Salt: 1/2 Tsp (5g)
Pepper:1-3/4 Tsp (5g)

[For Learners...]

The formula below is designed to make a batch of your desire - when you want to go BIG or small, but still yield the same taste/flavor experience.

Food scientists use formulas to scale a recipe, and sometimes, to make do with limited product (for example: "I only have half a bag of kale - how many servings can I make?"). You will need a scale. Because a formula is in a percentage form, you can use any [weight] unit of measurement - meaning, this formula works if you're using grams or pounds!

Serving size: 121 grams (this serving size yields the above Nutrition Facts Label)

Kale: 70.25%
Extra virgin olive oil: 12.40%
Nutritional yeast: 9.92%
Lemon juice: 3.31%
Apple cider vinegar: 2.48%
Salt: 0.83%
Pepper: 0.83%

For example, let's say you're having a dinner party and want to make enough for 12 people.

12 people x 121 gram serving/person = 1452 grams total


Batch: 1452 grams

Kale: (.7025) x 1452 = 1020 grams
Extra virgin olive oil: (.1240) x 1452 = 180 grams
Nutritional yeast: (.0992) x 1452 = 144 grams
Lemon juice: (.0331) x 1452 = 48 grams
Apple cider vinegar: (.0248) x 1452 = 36 grams
Salt: (.0083) x 1452 = 12 grams
Pepper: (.0083) x 1452 = 12 grams

Double-check your work. The sum of the grams for the above ingredients should equal total grams per batch (in this case, 1452 grams). DONE!